Libido Triggers<\/b><\/p>\n
Q: <\/b>I\u2019m a woman in my late 30s. I\u2019ve never really been that sexual. I had no interest in masturbating as a teen. Thanks to TV and movies and magazines and whatnot, I kind of just thought that the sexual side would come naturally at some point in my 20s\u2014and they say a woman’s peak is in her 30s\u2014but it never came. I\u2019ve just never been that into sex\u2014with one exception.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n When I am drinking or have done drugs, I do get horny and want to have sex. Not that I\u2019m addicted to either\u2014it\u2019s purely recreational use on average for a woman my age\u2014nor do I engage in risky behavior or wind up regretting when I do have sex drunk or high. I\u2019ve been with my boyfriend for five years and we occasionally smoke weed. It helps with the libido. I also have ADHD\u2014not sure if that\u2019s part of it or what. Is this normal for women who have low libidos?<\/span><\/p>\n A:<\/b> It sounds like your baseline libido is on the low end, which is rather common with people who have ADHD. To enjoy sex it takes some level of brain relaxation and the ADHD brain usually has a difficult time focusing on sensation and just being present. That kind of explains the effect weed or alcohol has on you. In other words, when you are in a very relaxed state of mind, your libido can come to the surface, as it reduces anxiety and quiets the mind. In a way, such substances simply remove the obstacles to your libido rather than giving you libido. Additionally, the research shows that many women (especially those in longer term relationships) lose some of that spontaneous desire for sex (i.e., horniness) and instead are more responsive. This means that desire just doesn\u2019t show up out of nowhere, but rather it shows up after relaxation or reduced inhibition and some stimulation. Without these conditions present, you may have very little sexual urges. We do not see this as a dysfunction but rather as a way some women are simply wired. If you want to find out more about the impact of ADHD on sexuality, check out <\/span>the article about this topic on this site<\/span><\/a>. You can also read the book, <\/span>ADHD After Dark<\/span><\/i> by Ari Tuckman.<\/span><\/p>\n Marijuana Use & Sex<\/b><\/p>\n Q: <\/b>First things first\u2014yes, I am an adult and I live in a state where its legal to use cannabis. I got into smoking pretty often\u2026a little toke or two every night or every second night. I started dating someone recently after a long, long dry spell and I really like her. I can get hard and we can go at for maybe five, ten minutes\u2014but I haven\u2019t been able to finish. Not through sex or through oral. I can take care of things myself at that point, but that\u2019s the only way. Could weed have something to do with this or is it straight performance anxiety?<\/span><\/p>\n A:<\/b> The fact that \u201cyou can take care of yourself\u201d tells me that this issue is not only about the weed. That\u2019s not to say that weed is not at all responsible. For example, weed may have the effect of blunting sensation, thus making it harder to focus on your body. However, I doubt this is the most significant reason. What is most likely going on is that a long period of solo sex had your body learn a very specific way to climax efficiently. Sex with a partner offers different sensations than the sensations you offer yourself. Partnered sex has more variability, may be slower, etc. Something else that may be going on is performance anxiety. It is very common to have lots of mental noise that will interfere with you being in your body and focusing on sensation. This is especially true if you are putting any amount of pressure on yourself, however subtle, to climax. A few suggestions for you: Try a few sessions without weed and see if this makes a difference. Take the pressure off of the goal. Look at sex as connection and pleasure rather than a destination. Focus on your bodily sensations. Try not to finish yourself off every time so that your body can get used to other sensations with your partner. You may want to try different positions or touch to provide more pressure that you may need. Finally, give yourself time and keep practicing.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Libido Triggers Q: I\u2019m a woman in my late 30s. I\u2019ve never really been that sexual. I had no interest in masturbating as a teen. Thanks to TV and movies and magazines and whatnot, I kind of just thought that the sexual side would come naturally at some point in my 20s\u2014and they say a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":12619,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[19,13],"tags":[2113,2659,375,211],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12617"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12617"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12617\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12621,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12617\/revisions\/12621"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12617"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12617"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12617"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}