Taking Responsibility<\/b><\/p>\n
Q: <\/b>I recently moved in with my girlfriend of five years and it\u2019s really shone a light and I\u2019m learning things about her that I really didn\u2019t know before. We did spend a lot of time together before moving in, but there were things I always put aside\u2014perhaps I thought her old roommate was the problem. Anyway, it\u2019s like she needs parenting to do anything. She is messy, untidy, leaves dishes in the sink for days until I remind her, and doesn\u2019t clean unless I bring up that I am planning to clean, then she kind of just\u2026putzes around. I also found out that she never pays bills on time and doesn\u2019t save anything from her paycheck. Her credit rating has suffered as a result and I have to apply for the lease alone as a result. Even when we have a fridge full of groceries, if I don\u2019t cook dinner or at least propose cooking together, she\u2019ll order something off Ubereats\u2026for herself. She wants to get married and have children, but it feels like I\u2019m living with someone who doesn\u2019t function without me \u201cparenting\u201d her. When I bring it up, she shrugs it off or changes the subject. How do I get her to realize I\u2019m not her housekeeper\/cook?<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n A:<\/b> When you’re in a relationship with a partner who feels more like a dependent than an equal because they don\u2019t take on their adult responsibilities, it creates an exhausting dynamic where you’re forced into a “parent” role, instead of being a partner. Such a partner is clearly emotionally immature and passive. Unfortunately, these behaviors, over time, erode sexual attraction, damages emotional connection as well as long term trust and respect. It\u2019s time to have a serious conversation, letting her know this is a serious issue for you, and that this is affecting you.. Some partners truly don\u2019t realize how much they\u2019re not doing, especially if they grew up with a parent (often a mom) who did everything for them. Therefore, it\u2019s important to work on managing your shared life together. You may want to use a chore chart or a task sharing app, set up regular \u201cmeetings\u201d where you discuss bills, goals, etc. as well as meal planning and other daily living issues. Whenever I see a couple who presents with this type of issue, I try to look for the root cause of this type of behavior. For example, is this immaturity? Is it avoidance? Is it a symptom of ADHD or depression? Is this learned helplessness or maybe entitlement? If your partner recognizes the issue and wants to improve, then you are dealing with a partner who is willing to grow and that is a workable situation. If, however, they get defensive or deflect, then that is a clear red flag. If you continue covering for your partner, and doing it all, you will burn yourself out and you will just get resentful over time. You do not want to be parenting your partner for life, and thus you will need to make a decision for yourself and your own well-being and self-respect. You definitely deserve a partner who can handle their own life and someone who contributes emotionally, physically, emotionally and logistically. Now would be a good time to seek out couple\u2019s counselling (before you marry and have kids) to evaluate the situation and to offer you tools to manage life better, together.<\/span><\/p>\n Selfish Lover<\/b><\/p>\n Q: <\/b>I don\u2019t always cum easily during PIV sex. I maybe get there around two-thirds of the time, but that other one-third of the time, I\u2019ll be close, but I won\u2019t quite get there. Usually all it takes at that point is a little fingering or oral sex\u2026like, a minute or two, tops. This was never a problem with anyone I dated before. But with my current boyfriend, he\u2019ll refuse and say he\u2019s too tired. He has no problem with those kind of sex acts during foreplay. But after he\u2019s already cum, it\u2019s like it\u2019s over. I\u2019m starting to resent it, but of course I don\u2019t want him to do anything he doesn\u2019t want to do. At the same time, I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because he\u2019s quite tired after sex, or he\u2019s just being selfish. Is this normal?<\/span><\/p>\n A:<\/b> For starters, over 80% of women do not orgasm via intercourse. The vast majority of women do need clitoral stimulation to get there. A boyfriend who refuses to give you what you need is a red flag, especially if you are asking for a minute or two of stimulation! Of course it is very possible that after he orgasms he just wants to sleep (this is common in men), but nevertheless, he gets what he wants and you are left wanting.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s hard for me to tell if he is a selfish person or not just based on these facts. You can let him know how this makes you feel and maybe find another option, like have him use a sex toy on you to help you get there. Hopefully he will be open to this. If he is not, then maybe he is being simply selfish.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Taking Responsibility Q: I recently moved in with my girlfriend of five years and it\u2019s really shone a light and I\u2019m learning things about her that I really didn\u2019t know before. We did spend a lot of time together before moving in, but there were things I always put aside\u2014perhaps I thought her old roommate […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":12095,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[19,13],"tags":[211,37,2619,2617,205],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12093"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12093"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12093\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12129,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12093\/revisions\/12129"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12095"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12093"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12093"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pornhub.com\/sex\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12093"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}