How To Get My Fiancé To Be More Intimate
Q: I wanted to know how to make my fiancé be more intimate with me. She says that she wants to have sex, but she is scared about the fact that we aren’t married yet and the possibility of getting pregnant (even though she takes birth control because of an irregular period and I would use a condom as well). Sometimes I crave intimacy, not just sex, but hugging and cuddling her and having her tell me she loves me. She has a high-stress job so maybe that is the cause, but I wanted to know if I can do anything to help. I know she loves me, I just want her to express it to me.
A: Your partner may be afraid to be overly affectionate with you for fear that this will give you the idea that she wants sex, or that you will take it as a sign to try to get her to have sex. If that’s not the case, it’s important for you to talk openly about your needs for closeness, connection and affection aside from sex. Fear of pregnancy or anxiety about having sex before marriage may be a real factor for your partner. If this continues to be an issue, you should try and work it through before marriage, because marriage will not make it go away. I would recommend some pre-marriage counseling where you can address all the issues beforehand.
49 and Still a Virgin
Q: Yes, you read that right, I’m 49 and still a virgin. I feel like it’s going to drive me crazy. I can talk to a girl online but in public, I have panic attacks and say stupid things. I totally lose it.
A: Many people who have social anxiety find it to be much easier to connect with people online. It sounds to me that you will need to get help first and foremost for your anxiety. I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in anxiety. The therapist can do what’s called “systematic desensitization” with you. You can Google for therapists in your area, and just ask them if they can treat social anxiety and panic attacks.
I Want Sex But My Girlfriend Is Not Ready
Q: I’m very much emotionally attached to my girlfriend, I really take care of her. Sometimes I want a sexual relationship with her but I think she is not mentally prepared, so what can I do?
A: Never pressure a partner who does not feel ready for sex. If you care about her, be patient with her. We all have our reasons for waiting. Maybe she just doesn’t feel ready to go that far yet, maybe she wants to wait until marriage, or maybe she has some fears. It’s important to talk openly about sexuality together. Let her share her concerns with you and respect her choice. Maybe she just wants to take things slowly and would be more comfortable with kissing and petting for now.
Girlfriend Experiences Discomfort
Q: Hello! I am interested in your opinion on a (sort of) sensitive topic. I tried rubbing my girlfriend’s clit the other day, but she stopped me and told me that it always hurts when her clit is stimulated. How can I please her with my hands if I can’t touch her clit? I need some help here lol.
A: Not all women enjoy direct clitoral stimulation. Ask her directly how she would like to be touched. Some women prefer when there is pressure applied to the clitoral area rather than rubbing action. She may also prefer to be stimulated inside (fingering). But only she can tell you if that is what feels good.
Sexless Relationship
Q: I am in sexless relationship for last 2 1/2 years due to religious factors. Any suggestions for me?
A: I am not sure what you are asking me here. If you are holding to your religious beliefs about waiting until marriage to have sex, then that is a choice you make. This should be a choice made by both partners involved. If masturbation does not go against your beliefs then there is always that choice for now. I suggest you have an open and honest discussion with your partner about the future of your relationship and about what you want.