FEMALE ORGASM
So is it myth that just 10% of women can have a vaginal orgasm? Really bored to listen some “try to relax and trust you boyfriend and blah blah blah…”
Me & my boyfriend trying hard to get there. He always works on my clitoral orgasm and after he gets there, he starts to fuck me and that is awesome.
We found the position but we are always missing something…
So, hope you to say something
In terms of statistics, the most common one that has remained more or less consistent is that only 25% of women can orgasm with intercourse alone. Women need clitoral stimulation. It has nothing to do with just “relaxing”. If you are having orgasms with clitoral stimulation then clearly you are relaxed enough. During intercourse, some positions are better because the woman can grind her pelvis against her partner which provides direct clitoral action. You can also try using a vibrator at the same time as intercourse, or use your hand (or partner’s hand) to stimulate the clitoris at the same time. To know more about the female orgasm, look for our post on the subject.
ON BEING A VIRGIN
Hello Dr. Laurie right now I am currently a 22-year-old virgin. I feel like there is a lot of pressure and demand for guys to lose their virginity in order to “become a man” . I don’t necessarily agree with that statement however I do feel embarrassed and ashamed that I am a virgin at my age. Are there psychological barriers or mechanism that prevents one from having a healthy sexual life? How can I view and accept myself as I am, if I feel an incredible amount of shame in being a virgin which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where I don’t do anything about it because I feel ashamed to be one.
Dear Shamed,
You are not alone in the way you feel. Many adult aged virgins suffer in silence. And you are correct, there is a lot of pressure and demand on guys to lose their virginity in order to “become a man”.
If you do not agree with that statement, that is OK. You don’t have to cave into the pressure of losing your virginity if you do not want to. It would be a good idea if you took stock of what your values are regarding first time sex. If you wish to remain a virgin for religious reasons, or because you want to experience your first serious girlfriend for a few months, or perhaps you just want to wait until you get married, every reason to wait is a good reason. You do not need to share your reasons with anyone and you certainly do not need to share private information about your sexual status as a virgin. Adopt the philosophy that there are certain things a gentleman does not talk about publicly, and your sex life is one of those things. That will help you avoid any situations that could be awkward or potentially embarrassing.
There are some psychological barriers that may prevent someone from having a healthy sexual life, but do not assume that just because you are only 22 and still a virgin that there is anything wrong with you. Unless you have been assessed by a professional, do not put even more undo pressure on yourself by assuming there is anything wrong with you. Without further knowing you personally, it is not possible to determine if there are any issues, beyond the fact that you may simply have not had the social experiences and social opportunities to end up in a position to date and lose your virginity.
The best way to handle the shame and embarrassment is to understand that you are not defined as a human being based solely on whether or not you have had sex yet. Do not let one aspect of your life dictate your self-identity. The pressures that you are feeling right now are normal, but they are unreasonable expectations that you do not have to internalize. You build your self-identity by being proud of what you contribute, and knowing what you believe in. Start there. You have nothing to feel shame about. It is OK to be a virgin, and it is OK to seek out to lose your virginity. It is up to you if and when you want to take action on that.
One of our contributors, Frank Kermit (www.franktalks.com) wrote a book called The Adult Male Virgin Handbook that you can find at his website. There is an audio program that goes with it, and a big part of his coaching practice is working with adult male virgins, so you are definitely not alone.