CAN’T FINISH WITH INTERCOURSE
Q: I am 18 years old and recently I lost my virginity. I went away with my girlfriend for a week. We had sex most days, but not once was I able to finish. Doesn’t matter how long we were going for. I wasn’t able to finish at all. In the past though, I have been able to finish while masturbating.
Is this a natural thing or something I should be concerned about?
A: This is a common situation, especially if you frequently masturbate. It sounds like you may have gotten used to one kind of stimulation to get you there. After all, you know your body best—exactly what kind of pressure, speed, etc. you need. Intercourse does not offer the same sensation. To overcome this, your body needs to get used to other forms of stimulation. You may want to stop masturbation for a while and just have sex with your partner. It’s like training your penis to get used to other kinds of stimulation.
DIFFERENT SEX DRIVES
Q: Hi, so I’ve been with my Significant Other for years now but we’ve come to a complication. We have totally different sex drives. Whereas I prefer daily, she could go two months without a single urge. So far we’ve compromised to getting it on about once every two weeks (the rest of the time I’m handling it myself). In the beginning of our relationship we were at it like rabbits, but now it feels like she resents sexual activity, due to several negative experiences in the past (prior to me). Is there some way to get her drive going again?
A: Sex in long term relationships changes—it ebbs and flows. This seems especially true with regard to female sexual desire. I don’t think she resents sexual activity, but rather she resents the pressure she probably feels. It probably now feels like a chore for her instead of something she could enjoy for herself and something to share. Often women lose their spontaneous desire for sex, but once they make the choice to engage, they usually quite enjoy it. I would explore what is blocking her from making the choice. What conditions does she need to say YES to sex? What does she need more of from you? I recently did a TEDx video on passion in long term relationships. I suggest you have a look.