The “Waiting” Period
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. Recently my boyfriend of three years went to the doctor thinking he had a UTI. When he came home, he told me that she told him he had chlamydia. He says he hasn’t cheated on me ever, and I’ve never strayed. Is it really possible it went undiagnosed/dormant for three years or am I being fed a load of crap?
A: There’s no way of telling for sure if a partner is being truthful, however it’s important to know the facts. Yes, chlamydia can stay dormant in men for a long time, sometimes months or even years, without showing symptoms. The infection can remain unnoticed because many people, especially men, may not have symptoms. Even if symptoms don’t appear, the bacteria can still be transmitted to others. Unless you have been using condoms every time, you should also get yourself checked out. This asymptomatic period is why chlamydia is often referred to as a “silent” infection. That’s why it’s important for sexually active individuals to get regular screenings, since untreated chlamydia can lead to complications, such as infertility or other health issues.
Getting Started
Q: I just turned 22 years old and I’m still a virgin. I know I want to get out there and date and fool around and find a relationship—on top of losing my virginity—but I just don’t know where to start. I have no idea how to talk to girls or how to flirt. The thought of asking someone out and the potential for being rejected makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know a lot of this stuff is “fake it til you make it” but I just can’t get out of my own head and act normally. Any tips?
A: First of all, there’s no need to feel pressured or rushed—everyone moves at their own pace, and 22 is still quite young. Many people, regardless of age, have similar feelings of uncertainty about dating, flirting, or talking to the opposite sex. Forget what you see in the movies—which is usually quite cheesy! You also don’t have to fake anything, just be yourself. Start with simple, authentic conversations. Instead of talking about yourself, ask about her interests, what she likes to do in her free time, or her favorite music or movies for example. People generally appreciate genuine interest and curiosity. Instead of thinking you have to “say the right thing,” just focus on being present and being yourself. Compliments are a great way to show interest, but make sure they’re sincere and not overly focused on physical appearance. Complimenting something unique about her, like her sense of humor, her intelligence, or her style, can stand out more than just focusing on looks. Your body language also matters. Pay attention to open, relaxed posture (no crossed arms), and make eye contact (without staring which can appear creepy). Smiling can also make you more approachable and show that you’re friendly and engaged. Just be aware of the other person’s personal space, and if they seem uncomfortable, back off. In order to grow your confidence, start with small interactions and casual conversations with girls in your social circle. Don’t go straight to flirting and pick up lines. Just be polite, respectful and show interest rather than feel the pressure to have to say the “perfect” thing. Remember that everyone gets nervous sometimes, but the more you interact with others, the more comfortable you will become. Everyone likes authenticity, kindness and respect. Don’t try to be someone you are not. You can also work with a dating coach who will give you more specific tools and help you practice.