Anal Play
Q: I recently discovered something that surprised even me. My girlfriend started lightly touching my asshole while we were having sex and it made me absolutely insane. It felt so good. So yesterday, she gave me a blowjob and put a finger in my ass. It was incredible, but I did have some pain back there afterward even though it was just her pinky. I would love to be able to relax more while doing this stuff but it’s still so new and foreign to me. Is there anything I can do to chill out and prevent any pain?
A: I’m so glad you discovered another way your body can give you great pleasure! However, preventing pain during anal play is important and requires a bit of preparation, patience, and communication. Since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, using plenty of lube is essential, even if inserting only a pinky finger. When we talk of anal penetration of any sort, it’s important to start small, with a lubricated finger or slim toy, and go slowly. Rushing increases the risk of discomfort or injury. As you have already realized, relaxation is key, as tension in the body, especially the pelvic muscles, can make penetration painful. Warm baths, deep breathing, foreplay, or massage can help reduce this tension. It is important for the receiver to be in control (of the depth of penetration and the speed of it), so find positions that allow for that.
Open communication before and during play is vital. So regularly check in, and stop immediately if anything feels sharp, burning, or uncomfortable. Hygiene can also help ease anxiety and reduce infection risk. Consider a gentle rinse (optional), clean hands and toys, and use condoms on toys or during sex to protect against STIs.
Finally, always listen to your body. Some pressure or stretching may be normal, but pain is never something to “push through.” If you experience bleeding, tearing, or persistent discomfort, it’s best to consult a healthcare professional. With care, consent, and patience, anal play can be pleasurable, safe, and pain-free.
Post-Sex Pain
Q: I have a larger than average penis—or so I’ve been told. My girlfriend is into somewhat rough sex, and so am I. I still try really hard not to go too deep and hit her cervix, and we use plenty of lube. So yes, it’s definitely a good pounding, but I’m still careful. However, sometimes my girlfriend will have uterine pain afterward, or will get swollen. When we’re having sex, it’s great, but the aftereffects are beginning to get to her, and she says she’s worried she can’t physically keep up with me. Is there anything we can do to mitigate this?
A: Sex with a partner who has a larger-than-average penis can be very pleasurable, but it also requires extra care to prevent pain or urinary tract infections (UTIs). One of the most effective ways to reduce the risk of UTIs is to urinate after sex, which helps flush out any bacteria that may have entered the urethra during intercourse. Make sure you use plenty of lubricant, as a larger penis can create more friction and stretching, which may lead to microtears, irritation, or discomfort. A high-quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant should be applied generously and reapplied as needed during sex, especially if the session is long or rough. Another thing to consider is sexual positioning. Choosing the right sexual positions can help minimize discomfort and internal pressure. Positions such as spooning, missionary with legs together, or cowgirl allow the receiving partner to control the depth and angle of penetration, which helps prevent hitting the cervix or causing internal bruising. Conversely, deeper positions like doggy style can increase the risk of pain, especially if there’s already sensitivity. Going slow and maintaining open communication is key. Remember that just because both partners are aroused doesn’t mean the body is immediately ready to accommodate deep penetration. It’s important to listen to any signs of discomfort and adjust accordingly.